We have made it through another holiday. This time we spent our time in Scotland visiting family, and more specifically, celebrating the 80th birthday of Gran. I’ve had a long summer. Filled with therapy runs and sessions, hours upon hours of driving to and from as well as learning from the therapist who work with my boys in the house for hours each day.
At first, I admit, I feared summer…now it is nearing the end and I find myself sad that it is over. Currently my boys, ALL of them, and I, are on a plane journey for the first time in a long while…home. We made it to Scotland and now it is time to return. Although seeing the family was amazing and wonderful, definitely worth it for all of us, we are (my small family and I) happy to be returning to our “home,” in CA. I put that in “” because for the first time in many years we all feel as if we are returning to our home. Before, one or the other of us, my husband and I, have always felt a kind of loss…or sadness, upon leaving Britain. Perhaps that is because we started there. Had our first house there. We dated, married and became pregnant with our first, A, there. Being in the States has not until recently, felt like “home” to either of us.
Strange thing is…life is FAR more complicated and our carefree selves have been put upon a shelf to admire…the way a photo album of memories is admired. Yet, here we are, my two Autistic kiddos, apparently being “too loud” (they are not) and my husband and I, are on a plane home. Home is California. Home to our forever home. We have the support and the friends we need to see us through the difficult times, and each other to keep us going no matter what…
I’d quite like to do a speech to the young man sitting in front of my severely autistic son, the one with the headphones who has given nothing but dirty looks and finally got the gumption to ask (politely) if I could have my kids be quiet. They aren’t being loud or annoying, however, to the uneducated, the unknown…the ignorant…yes, my youngest makes sporadic sounds from time to time. Mostly they are happy and cheerful though. There is a baby crying in the background, neither of my kiddos have cried or screamed or been whining…and believe me, after such a long and trying journey for anyone…let alone autistic boys…or any kid for that matter…that is an accomplishment!!!
Anyhow, I sit here in a sort of rant…wondering if I could have responded better…watching him, trying to control my kiddos outbursts without making them worse…they are young, they are jet lagged and tired. We are on the second leg of their LONG journey home…the place they’ve been asking for for the entire two weeks of “holiday,” FINALLY! We made it. We survived and we even managed to have a good time along the way. Our way. The Autism way.
Author: Vic.E.
I am a Mom. I am a Caregiver. I am an Advocate. I get paid in unconditional love, in progress and by the amazing support of my very hard-working husband who is the greatest Dad to our two boys.
Our first child came in 2011. He was orange haired and big, 9.5lbs…yikes! He was a butter ball. Just perfect and delicious! His eyes came out green like Momma’s and his skin tone white with freckles like Dad’s. He will be taller than both of us, over 6’ according to the trajectory of his health chart! He has his great grandfathers build. He is smart, has an amazing memory, is super creative, and is sensitive, so empathetic. He is my first born and just perfect. He is also diagnosed with Autism-mild, ADHD, Anxiety, dyslexia, possible dysgraphia and possible other things…really, just all things to help him get the supports he needs to thrive in life. At his core, he is who he is. Full of silly laughter, big smiles, a warm heart, intense loyalty, a strong justice gene, and a fundamental belief in the good.
My second and last child, was born in 2013. The boys are a year and a half apart. He was born looking like an old man. Poor kid was induced early, for fear of another large infant and my ignorance I had a say. He had the umbilical chord wrapped around him and was blue as can be. He recovered fine though, no need for oxygen or anything. But he was checked on a lot to be sure. His skin would be tan like mine, but he won’t go outside much in the daylight. His eyes are closer to Dad’s and his Gran’s (my husband’s mom)…hazel green/dark blue. He has moles rather than freckles, but other than the should be darker skin and moles, he looks just like his Dad. A little mini-me of my husband. Same sandy dark blond hair, same darker eyes, same features. His body is more like my husbands as well. However, he is due to grow over 6’ and will most likely be taller than his big brother! He had a level 4 tongue tie. Something I thought would stretch and break on it’s own. I was a naturalist momma. Keep those sharp objects away from my babies!!! He was able to nurse just fine, and we got to take him home. He was diagnosed first, his symptoms were classic…development fine and then massive regression. He was around a year old when we noticed. The doctor at my other son’s check up saw it, and referred us to an “evaluation” which I did not understand at the time. Anyhow. He is Severe-Autism, ADHD, non-verbal. Although, 10 years on, I don’t like that term for him. He chats all the time, mostly scripts, mostly needs and wants. Rarely anything novel comes out, but when it does it is brief, but magical!!! He progresses every day.
My life went from social to isolation pretty quick. Other’s noticed the differences with our kids, my youngest was unsafe to take out for years. So, here are our stories. Jumbled up, in reflection, looking forward, retrospective. I try to write about our progress, our hopes and show the raw side of living a life in a house of neurodivergence. You are not alone, we are many. It’s time we showed ourselves to the world and stopped hiding our kiddos away. They deserve to be celebrated, included, loved.
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