Well, we survived. I can not say that the whole “Potty Party” thing worked, as it really only succeeded in making us all crazy, my kiddos bum sore and the ONLY win out of it was he DID, eventually, after over 4 hours, urinate into the toilet. He screamed and got mad and ran away after.
However, we have succeeded in getting him to use the toilet, and the nappies have been put away. A new set of super cool, Mario and Luigi underwear was bought, and each day, all day and into the night, I am on task to make sure he goes when he shows the signs of needing to go. (You know, the potty dance.) Is he potty trained? I would say no. I would call it toileting, or diaper free, but not trained. He refuses to use ANY toilet but the one he was sat on for hours. We have 3 bathrooms, but only that one he allows after much coaxing and bribing, threats etc, to go use the toilet. The threats are minor, i.e. no more iPad until…no trains until….First potty then you can have…..(preferred thing), etc.
To be honest, I found the approach to the entire “Potty Party” for my kiddo, unsuitable. The idea, in basic terms, is that he was to sit on the toilet until urination was successful. We set up a table of salty snacks, yummy sweet crackers and loaded him up with water as much as possible. The kid had to go! But he refused. Why? Well, it is difficult to say. He is determined, has his own ideas, likes to be in control. Also, sensory issues play a big roll. I cranked up the heat to be sure the bathroom was warm and comfortable. There were special steps for his feet for comfortable positioning, a soft, cushy seat (the biggest I could find) that would keep him from falling through. Now, to be fair, it would seem that generally, most kids sit for 20-45 mins and are successful. But not my kid. Nope. Each moment felt like, would be the moment, surely he was ready to burst! We wanted him to be successful, we wanted him to know it was going to be OK, that it was actually, easier and no big deal. He had other ideas. Clearly.
Two days in, hours at a time sitting on the potty, I began to worry he would get hemorrhoids, that he was being scarred or traumatized, or that he was, essentially, winning the war. After wiping poop for the passed almost 9 years, I just could not mentally wrap my psyche around doing this forever. It scares me to the point of lowness, a depression I can not describe, complete defeat. This potty thing, this “party,” was for me. No doubt. I knew he could because he did for a year! It was just getting through the mental block he had created. The laziness and ease of having someone else take care of it all for him, the fears, the sensory issues, the WHATEVER IT WAS!
I hardly slept those nights. I cried. I consulted and vented and pleaded my Autism Groups for help!!! The idea that we may not succeed was so daunting I felt I could not entertain it at all. He just HAS to use the toilet!!!! He’s 6!!! Next year is 1st grade!!! This momma needs just ONE win for herself in this Autism battle. YES, I am selfish in this subject.
So, after they were all tucked in and asleep, I Googled and found Autism Speaks had a method for potty training a child on the spectrum. It made MUCH more sense to me, and now that we had the one time of him successfully urinating on the toilet, he knew what this was about….perhaps I could make it work?
Well, after two grueling days of “Potty Party” with ABA staff on around the clock, I wrote to the BCBA and told her there was a new agenda. A new method. To please help and support me going forward trying this new way. They did, of course, happily help me! They were as perplexed as I those passed couple days, of what would make it work for my kid. We were all searching for new ideas.
Next morning, 5 mins on, 5 mins off. BAM. Just like that. When he knew he only had to sit for 5 mins, he happily sat. No fighting. He did not go, and was not told to continue sitting, but allowed to stretch and play! Timer goes off, we try again and I prompt and front load, only 5 mins of us trying, then more play. That is when it worked!!!! Literally, I. Could. Have. Cried. Then again, after about 20 mins, 5 mins on, again success!!! And so on.
Since, we have dealt with a few accidents, or rather, refusals to go on the toilet and soiling himself. He puts his clothes in the wash and wipes up some of the mess. Washes himself and redresses. Each time. And so it goes. Here we are, two months in. Still prompting, still bribing, still having an accident occasionally, which is really his way of not complying, because he definitely knows what is happening and what he should do…but, baby steps. He is pretty much dry and soil free as long as I stay on him, and watch for the signs. He no longer has to be told only 5 mins, he just knows, sit, go, wash and play. We allow him to watch a video while he tries, he doesn’t want to sit there without his device to distract him. There is definitely a sensory issue with letting it go into the toilet rather than a diaper, a sensory problem when it splashes back on his legs (still using the little seat which is too small for him). However, this is progress. This is HUGE!!!! This has given me a bit of my sanity back!!!!!!!!!
Would I recommend anyone trying the Potty Party approach? Maybe. Provided they allow for stretching and standing and not force the kid to sit until success. It just is not practical, and in my view, abusive. It broke my heart that we did it for even two days, and I regret I did not stop the whole thing sooner. I was a desperate Mama, not an excuse, but a reason why I allowed it. Everyone said, some kids take longer, some take a couple hours, etc…and I felt like, OK, this is just how it is. Deal with it. Now that I have found the other method on Autism Speaks, a much gentler approach, a workable approach, I wish I could turn back time and have only done the whole thing using that method. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.
Parents are not perfect we make mistakes. We hold expectations too high sometimes, too low others. We try things, we mess up. I messed up. I trusted in the team rather than my gut. Remember Mamas, always trust your gut.
autstanding 