My oldest didn’t have a haircut by anyone -but me, until he was older. Maybe 7. It was stressful every time. He grew his hair long in between cuts because he dreaded it. We tried all sorts of salons, found one hairdresser he liked but she stopped during the pandemic. Even still, she never should cut around his ears, close to his neck, etc. the clippers are still a firm NO GO ZONE.
However, as I sat watching my suddenly big boy, already a teen really, almost my height…getting his hair cut for the 2nd time by his wonderful hairdresser, I heard her explain every part. Ask permission and for his input on style. She treated him like a regular 12 1/2 year old and respected his unique needs. The end came and she explained she wanted to take her small shears and trim a little bit around his ears…
I held my breath…letting him practice self advocacy. He always, always, has said no. Usually in a slightly panicked voice, full body tensing up. This time he said alright, he put on a brave face, his only tell was the sudden stiffness of his entire body -along with eyes grown wide as a deer in headlights. My whole body tensed with him, he could not see me, thank goodness. She did it. He let her. It was nothing short of amazing!! He had a complete haircut, neck, ears, and all!!! My eyes suddenly welled and when she asked what I thought, I apologized for my emotional tears now falling over my cheeks. Big smile of pride on my face!
“Why are you crying Mom?”
“Tears of joy love, tears of how proud I am of you for braving the hair trim around your ears”
I held his face in my hands and told him it was the best cut he’s ever done, that I was so proud of him, and asked him if he felt good about it?
“Yeah, I was a bit nervous but I still let her do it!” His own pride filling his face with a smile. “Now can I have a lolly pop?”
Heck yeah!
I floated on that high for a couple days. My pride overflowing with amazement. he has done it, finally!!! Another tick off the list! Another achievement, small to some but huge for him!!
Author: Vic.E.
I am a Mom. I am a Caregiver. I am an Advocate. I get paid in unconditional love, in progress and by the amazing support of my very hard-working husband who is the greatest Dad to our two boys.
Our first child came in 2011. He was orange haired and big, 9.5lbs…yikes! He was a butter ball. Just perfect and delicious! His eyes came out green like Momma’s and his skin tone white with freckles like Dad’s. He will be taller than both of us, over 6’ according to the trajectory of his health chart! He has his great grandfathers build. He is smart, has an amazing memory, is super creative, and is sensitive, so empathetic. He is my first born and just perfect. He is also diagnosed with Autism-mild, ADHD, Anxiety, dyslexia, possible dysgraphia and possible other things…really, just all things to help him get the supports he needs to thrive in life. At his core, he is who he is. Full of silly laughter, big smiles, a warm heart, intense loyalty, a strong justice gene, and a fundamental belief in the good.
My second and last child, was born in 2013. The boys are a year and a half apart. He was born looking like an old man. Poor kid was induced early, for fear of another large infant and my ignorance I had a say. He had the umbilical chord wrapped around him and was blue as can be. He recovered fine though, no need for oxygen or anything. But he was checked on a lot to be sure. His skin would be tan like mine, but he won’t go outside much in the daylight. His eyes are closer to Dad’s and his Gran’s (my husband’s mom)…hazel green/dark blue. He has moles rather than freckles, but other than the should be darker skin and moles, he looks just like his Dad. A little mini-me of my husband. Same sandy dark blond hair, same darker eyes, same features. His body is more like my husbands as well. However, he is due to grow over 6’ and will most likely be taller than his big brother! He had a level 4 tongue tie. Something I thought would stretch and break on it’s own. I was a naturalist momma. Keep those sharp objects away from my babies!!! He was able to nurse just fine, and we got to take him home. He was diagnosed first, his symptoms were classic…development fine and then massive regression. He was around a year old when we noticed. The doctor at my other son’s check up saw it, and referred us to an “evaluation” which I did not understand at the time. Anyhow. He is Severe-Autism, ADHD, non-verbal. Although, 10 years on, I don’t like that term for him. He chats all the time, mostly scripts, mostly needs and wants. Rarely anything novel comes out, but when it does it is brief, but magical!!! He progresses every day.
My life went from social to isolation pretty quick. Other’s noticed the differences with our kids, my youngest was unsafe to take out for years. So, here are our stories. Jumbled up, in reflection, looking forward, retrospective. I try to write about our progress, our hopes and show the raw side of living a life in a house of neurodivergence. You are not alone, we are many. It’s time we showed ourselves to the world and stopped hiding our kiddos away. They deserve to be celebrated, included, loved.
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autstanding 