Halloween. Seeking support today…

Happy Halloween šŸŽƒ We’ve managed to paint/carve pumpkins this year. Not all of us together, but at least both kiddos did it and seemed to enjoy it.

Both kids have completed their parade march. My mainstreamed kiddo was with Dad at his school. I went to my SDC kiddo’s school. He did well, but I find myself with a heavy heart. I see all the other kiddos enjoying their costumes, each other’s, the music and excitement and anticipation of the night ahead. My 5 year old appears. Headphones on but smiling. He won’t go without me so I joined the parade. We did one lap of the two! This is an awesome accomplishment!!!

After spending the morning in the classroom with him, I look around at these wonderful paras and teachers. I’m thankful for their passion and belief in our kids. I wish I could see what they see. I love my kid SO much….I also want him to be less Autistic. I want him to talk, to reply, to participate. I want to see him enjoy the things regular kids do and not throw and be destructive. Maybe one day.

At the parade all classes go. There are several SDC classes above my 5 year olds. Will I be standing here next year? Most definitely. What about the year after? And after that?? Will my kiddo progress to the mild/moderate level??? Will we be changing schools? My hopes are perhaps too high.

I am dreading trick or treating tonight.

The holidays are coming…I want to crawl into my bed and not wake until it’s spring.

I love my kids and our world. The world The is our house. Our home. Where everything is just our kind of normal. Going out and seeing the way the other families are, their children, puts a weight on my shoulders I can not lift easily.

How do the parents of special needs kids evolve? Do we ever fully accept? At what point do I give up on what might be and live in the what is??

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Author: Vic.E.

I am a Mom. I am a Caregiver. I am an Advocate. I get paid in unconditional love, in progress and by the amazing support of my very hard-working husband who is the greatest Dad to our two boys. Our first child came in 2011. He was orange haired and big, 9.5lbs…yikes! He was a butter ball. Just perfect and delicious! His eyes came out green like Momma’s and his skin tone white with freckles like Dad’s. He will be taller than both of us, over 6’ according to the trajectory of his health chart! He has his great grandfathers build. He is smart, has an amazing memory, is super creative, and is sensitive, so empathetic. He is my first born and just perfect. He is also diagnosed with Autism-mild, ADHD, Anxiety, dyslexia, possible dysgraphia and possible other things…really, just all things to help him get the supports he needs to thrive in life. At his core, he is who he is. Full of silly laughter, big smiles, a warm heart, intense loyalty, a strong justice gene, and a fundamental belief in the good. My second and last child, was born in 2013. The boys are a year and a half apart. He was born looking like an old man. Poor kid was induced early, for fear of another large infant and my ignorance I had a say. He had the umbilical chord wrapped around him and was blue as can be. He recovered fine though, no need for oxygen or anything. But he was checked on a lot to be sure. His skin would be tan like mine, but he won’t go outside much in the daylight. His eyes are closer to Dad’s and his Gran’s (my husband’s mom)…hazel green/dark blue. He has moles rather than freckles, but other than the should be darker skin and moles, he looks just like his Dad. A little mini-me of my husband. Same sandy dark blond hair, same darker eyes, same features. His body is more like my husbands as well. However, he is due to grow over 6’ and will most likely be taller than his big brother! He had a level 4 tongue tie. Something I thought would stretch and break on it’s own. I was a naturalist momma. Keep those sharp objects away from my babies!!! He was able to nurse just fine, and we got to take him home. He was diagnosed first, his symptoms were classic…development fine and then massive regression. He was around a year old when we noticed. The doctor at my other son’s check up saw it, and referred us to an ā€œevaluationā€ which I did not understand at the time. Anyhow. He is Severe-Autism, ADHD, non-verbal. Although, 10 years on, I don’t like that term for him. He chats all the time, mostly scripts, mostly needs and wants. Rarely anything novel comes out, but when it does it is brief, but magical!!! He progresses every day. My life went from social to isolation pretty quick. Other’s noticed the differences with our kids, my youngest was unsafe to take out for years. So, here are our stories. Jumbled up, in reflection, looking forward, retrospective. I try to write about our progress, our hopes and show the raw side of living a life in a house of neurodivergence. You are not alone, we are many. It’s time we showed ourselves to the world and stopped hiding our kiddos away. They deserve to be celebrated, included, loved.

2 thoughts on “Halloween. Seeking support today…”

  1. ((Hugs)) I’m wishing we could jump to spring, too. It’s so hard not to compare. I even compare to what my family used to have but can’t now that Elizabeth is in our life. But it only hurts to compare- I love her to pieces and I want to see her grow and change. I want to be optimistic.
    Have you ever watched Kate from Finding Cooper’s Voice? She gets into some pretty deep topics like this. I like her honesty!

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